Priscilla the Pessimist

by Kiana

“Priscilla Darthwormor was your average sardonic teenage loner. Her hobbies included whipping back dry-witted comments associated with razor sharp sarcasm. She found the stupidity of others entertaining, especially because when she talked to them, they didn’t even realize that the words squirming out of her mouth were actually insults. Her voice was nasally, and she wore big round glasses that paired perfectly with her dark auburn hair. She was a natural-born genius who read incessantly and took apart just about anyone who seemed shallow or superficial — which was just about anyone.”

“Well there you have it, that’s my eulogy for you,” Jenny said sarcastically.

Jenny Cullentent was my tall, skinny and perhaps equally sarcastic best friend.

“Thanks. I think you really captured my personality.”

Jenny and I were discussing how we’d present each other in our eulogies, depending on who would die first. I knew it’d be me because I have no soul, and I’d rather be dead then have to wake up at 6:45 a.m. to go to the pile of poop we call school. Jenny and I walked to school every day, but not by choice. It was mostly because I couldn’t afford a stinking car, and my career-fixated parents wouldn’t buy me anything I wanted….but if it was for Toby, my brother, God forbid he go without being treated like royalty! But that’s beside the point.

Jenny and I were walking today, and it wasn’t your average muggy, I’d-rather-be-dead kind of day – it was worse. Today we had our annual Panther’s Peppiest of the Pep pep rally just before the first home game, which happened to be followed by a school dance.

I didn’t know why I had to go. It wasn’t like I was going to the stupid game, for crying out loud. I hate football, I hate sports, I hate people.

Just as we arrived, we glanced at the cheerleaders, who were already in their incredibly revealing peppiest of the pep uniforms.

“How is it that I get dress coded for wearing a tank top, but these chicks can flop around in their superficial uniforms, and it’s considered ‘sport’?” Jenny said.

“Beat’s me,” I replied.

The cheerleaders were performing icebreakers near the entrance. Their annoying voices were giving me a headache. It’s 7:45 in the morning, for crying out loud!

“Hey Jenny and Priscilla! You coming to the game tonight? It’s gonna be WAY cool! :DDD Oh wait..I forgot, you don’t do anything,” Josie, the team captain shouted out. The team followed with an in-sync laugh.

…read the rest of this story on Kiana’s blog.

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