Kahea

I Look Deep into Your Eyes

I look deep into your eyes,

but you look past mine, unfocused

is this real? This ‘thing’ we have here

so much hurt, so much pain

yet, still I hold on so tightly

struggling with every last breath in me to keep you close

but I’m losing you…slowly

losing you to the rest of the world

am I just someone you keep on the side,

                for those days when you are lonely?

Am I as important to you as you say I am?

Or are those words just something you throw around?

I’m digging deep into the depths of my heart,

                To believe you, & trust you

But the things around me overtake my thoughts and feelings,

                And rip that insignificant amount of trust left

So, please… let the truth be known already

Am I worth it or am I just some little plaything?

How to Do Your Homework

School’s done and you just arrived home.  Your grades have been slackin’ lately, and the school year’s almost done.  Things are constantly overloading your brain, and you have too much homework, too much chores, just too much stuff to get done in so little time.  You step inside the house prepared to attack the beast we all call homework. 

You hurry to your desk with your many bags falling off your shoulders.  You finally reach the desk and drop all of your belongings.  Huffing and puffing you let out a humongous sigh which sounds as if you’re dying while you plop yourself in your chair.  Determined to get the hundreds of thousands of assignments your delightful teachers assigned you done, you whip open your laptop and let it load while you maneuver through your bag looking through every single folder for that one piece of paper from the class you are doing the worst in. 

When you finally find it, you read through it while shaking your head as if to say “Yeee, I got this. It ain’t even that hard.”  By this time your computer’s up and running and fully loaded.  You put the piece of paper down and drag your laptop in front of you.  You open a brand new Word document ready to do your write up, but just as you finish writing your name, date, and block you notice at the corner of your eye that your laptop has been ever so grateful to you and connected you to the Internet. 

The cursor slowly starts making its way to the Internet browser.  In your head, you’re saying, “Yes, Google. I can finally get information for my write up.”  Your Internet browser opens and you place your cursor into the URL bar.  You type www. and without even noticing you type in an f instead of a g. What was going on? Google doesn’t start with an f.  But as your fingers continue to type without your brain’s permission, the enter key is pushed and it is now searching for www.facebook.com. 

At this time, your brain actually thinks that this was the Website you were planning to go on the whole time.  After logging into your account, the first thing you do is, of course, check your notifications, friend requests, or messages if there are any. 

The next few hours are spent browsing through your news feed, looking through your friends’ walls to see what’s up with them or scoffing and thinking to yourself how ugly that girl that you hate is.

Time flies by, and before you know it, the sun has set and it’s getting late.  That’s when the light bulb in your head lights up, and you remember you didn’t do any homework. Now you’re moving as slowly as a turtle, and you reluctantly pull your homework towards you.  But the next thing you know, the orange-yellow sun is up, and still no homework was done. Oh dear, there go my grades! 

Huh, well today is a new day, and when I come home, I will guarantee get some work done. Watch me.

He Is Video Games

He is video games, mostly COD Black Ops

 He is my shoulder to cry on

 He is those late night phone calls

 He is that summer sunset

 He is the pink band around my wrist

 He is the blue flannel I still wear

 He is that silver chain bracelet

 He is yellow cake and chocolate frosting

 He is the one I keep in my heart

 He is my best friend

The Sound of Her Scream

The sound of her scream,

It pierced her families’ heart

Self confidence she must redeem

She should not have snuck out from the start

 

It pierced her families’ heart

That shrill sound of pain

She should not have snuck out from the start

She realizes that this is no game

 

That shrill sound of pain

She was beaten and left alone

She realizes that this is no game

Ashamed and scared, she wants to go home

 

She was beaten and left alone

Raped and kidnapped, with nowhere to turn

Ashamed and scared, she wants to go home

Her lifeless body found, a lesson to learn

 

Raped and kidnapped, with nowhere to turn

Self confidence she must redeem

Her lifeless body found, a lesson to learn

The sound of her scream

I Miss You

I think about you all day, every day. I hate being all alone in my room. Being here alone without you kills me. I need you back to fill that empty hole in my heart. I don’t mean to sound obsessed, but come back. My life is so sad without you.

All the memories of me and you when I was a wee little toddler come rushing back to my remembrance. What has my mother done? I miss you kitty.

She took you away without even warning me. Every time I look at that space in my room where you used to be, I die a little more inside. You didn’t do anything to anybody. I miss your company. Why would my mommy do that to me?  I remember when you used to be taller than me. You were there for me from the very beginning, and all of a sudden my mom thinks I’m too old for you? 

You were there when I needed someone to talk to. You were there for me when I wanted to pretend I was a cat. But where are you now? It’s sad to say, that you are now for sale on Craigslist. I really don’t want anyone to buy you.

Please everyone here on Craigslist, stay away from my kitty. Regardless of what my mom has to say about it, I still need you here 5-foot wooden cat of my childhood memories. Come back!

We Could Be Sitting There Together

We could be sitting there together like we used to

We could be holding hands with butterfly filled bellies

We could be laughing at the stupidest things

We could be playing basketball outside of my house

We could be coloring on the rocks at the beach with our purple crayon

We could be arguing about who loves each other more

We could be spending the night listening to music over the phone

We could be giving each other cute little nicknames

We could be in our own little world not caring what anybody else had to say

 But when reality hits me, I remember that it was the past

The unforgettable moments that took my breath away,

That I’ll cherish forever and ever to come

This Is a Poem That Burns and Bubbles

This is a poem that burns and bubbles,

In the depths of my love-stricken heart

That cradles it sweetly, then rips it apart

Because in my head,

I am not good enough for you

Because in reality,

We weren’t meant for one another

 

And when the feelings for you fade,

The care and love for you is still present

This is a poem that will one day release my heart

And the love from another will fill that empty space.

I Could Do My Homework 

I could do my homework, but I’m just too tired

I could tell the truth, but I’d only get into more trouble

I could help watch my baby brother, but I didn’t make the kid

I could respect my parents, but I just don’t feel like it today

I could try my best in school, but it’s just too hard

I could act like a Christian in front of my friends, but it’s just too embarrassing

I could study for my tests, but I hate them

I could move on and let him go, but I’m just not ready to

I could treat my sisters better, but I feel they don’t deserve it

I could forgive him, but he didn’t forgive me

I could be a better person, but I just choose not to

And with all the dang excuses in the world,

I’m still surrounded by people that love and put up with me

A Limerick

There once was a girl from Wisconsin

Who had not but one hair on her chin

Whenever she‘d lie

Her dad made her cry

That weird lying girl from Wisconsin

Writing on a theme

It all started with a simple apology.  The words “I’m sorry” just seemed to fix everything. No matter how many times I said I would never forgive him, all it took was those two words.  It seemed to mend every broken piece and shattered part of my heart.  It was like nothing even happened between us these last two months; like it wasn’t real.  It was as if the hurt I went through was like sand shifting between my fingers or like the leaves blowing in the wind.  I sit here confused.  He shows me that he cares and that I’m important to him, yet he’s with another.  I don’t want to be the second choice.  I don’t want to make him my priority when I’m only his option.  But I care too much to let that bother me.   I am somehow able to push that aside and try to bury that fact under the landslide of my emotions.  I was done with all the arguing. I was done with trying to hold this grudge against him.  I was ready for the new relationship that we were going to build off of this simple apology.  I want this new friendship to be better than ever.  I want us to not exactly forget the past, but to be able to forgive each other and move on.  To start new.  To be the best friends we planned to be from the very start.

Introduction from a personal narrative

It was finally here. The first day of school was here at last. As a little girl growing up I always heard about this strange place called school. I remember waking up bright and early watching my older brother change his clothes, freshen up, and head out the door to go to school. I always wondered what it would be like to go there and when I would get the opportunity to finally go…and guess what?  Today was the day.

I woke up bright and early, before any of my other family members got up. I was filled with excitement and about a million butterflies bundled up in my stomach. For some reason, a sense of nervousness covered me.  But I did not let that bother me. I grabbed my favorite colorful cotton flower dress and my white sandals. This was my favorite outfit, and I could not wait to show it off at my very first day of kindergarten. I also had my new Rugrats rolling bag. Rolling bags were the coolest things ever. In my bag I had 3 brand spankin’ new notebooks and a pencil box that held my No. 2 pencils with their brand new perfectly squared erasers and nice pointed tips. It also held my color crayons, color pencils, and my most favorite of all, the scented markers. Anyways, my mom and my brother finally woke up. I looked at the clock, which read 7:40.  My brother was running around the house like a chicken without a head. I finally realized why. We were going to be late. I hated to be late to anything especially my first day of school…(read the rest of the story in the print edition of We Digress being released in May 2011.) 

My Favorite Place

Sandpiles is my favorite place to be. 

Here I can see the sand like glimmering crystals,

The ocean like a temperpudic mattress,

And the sunsets like a famous painting.

I can hear the chirping birds,

The secret whispers of the wind,

And the thundering waves on the shore.

I can feel the salty wind whipping my hair

While  I sit here and reminisce about the good old days.

I can see, I can hear, I can feel in my favorite place Sandpiles.

I Know It All

I know it all

The things she does

The way she is

How you’ll get hurt

 

The way she lies

The way she sneaks

The way she plays you

Yet you’ll never see

 

It’s because you’re blind

You think it’s just me

Jealousy? Not at all

I want what’s best for you

 

You’re stubborn

Your ego so high

Let down your guard and realize

I’m just trying to be a friend

 

You think I’m lying

Make me the instigator

Well guess what?

I don’t care anymore

 

I hope you learn

Even if it’s the hard way

All I can say is I’m sorry

Forgive me for even caring about you

 

Matilda the Lonely Ghost

So there was this ghost right?  He was the most handsome of them all.  Okay, never mind. I lied.  He was alright looking considering the fact that you could hardly even see him.  So one day, Mr. Matilda Ghost was wandering around one of his most favorite places, which was the Wizardly Space Station.  There, all his dreams came true.  Except for one.  All he really wanted was to become a wizard and be able to walk around like a normal wizard does.  But that never did and never will happen.  He was saddened and distraught. 

One day, he finds out that there is going to be this huge concert with the sickest band playing.  That band was the Goblins and Ghouls of Hell.  Oh, how Matilda loved this band.  So of course he was going to be attending that concert.  The concert was beginning to draw closer and closer and Matilda became more and more excited. 

When the day finally came, he was so amped up for the concert.  The hours dragged by and finally it was 6:00.  He did the best he could do to fix his ghostly self and off he went to the concert. When he arrived there, the place was full of vampires, wizards and goblins.  He was the only ghost that showed up.  All the other hideous creatures teased him and put him down. Oh, how horrible that felling was.  If Matilda was able to shed a tear, a whole gallon would have been filled with tears, and he would have been able to sell it at the Self Pity Party Store. 

The day Matilda had been waiting for turned out to be one of the worst days of his life.  His pride and feelings were hurt.  Although he was hurt, he couldn’t see paying $189 for a ticket to this concert just so he can leave. 

So, Matilda decided to stay.  He sat in the corner the whole night mad at the world.  Little did he know that the lead singer of the band had her eyes on him the whole night.  At the end of the concert, she made a special shout out to the poor, lonely old ghost.  She went over to him, sang a beautiful song and they lived happily never after. 

 

Revenge

I tried to quiet my racing heartbeat; it was chasing me.  Good gosh!  The information that I just received made the insides of me burn and set my mind racing furiously.  Both boys, one being my best friend and one being an acquaintance, were being hurt.  How could she do that to them? Exactly who does she think she is? She’s playing both of them; wrapping them around her fingers until she makes up her mind.  The day she chooses one, is the day the other one will no longer have a place in her life.  Overlooking this scenario, I know just the person who will be kicked to the curb.  The one I call my best friend.

That is the day the rejected one will finally see that she was just using him to fill that empty broken hole in her heart.  Good gosh, the sad part is that he refuses to see it…to accept it. In his mind, this is real.  In reality, the love he thinks she’s pouring out to him is not the least bit real.  I tried time and time again to warn him about this girl, but of course he does not listen. 

She’s one sneaky girl.  If you ask me, I say she’s pretty pathetic.  I observe the situation and slowly turn away from anger until my body feels weak and my heart is hurt.  Although we’ve had a past and I don’t appreciate the wrong he’s done to me, he’s still my best friend. It kills me to just be a bystander and watch all of this go on. I’m dying inside…slowly.  The fact that I know everything that is happening and not being able to do anything about it is just about the worst feeling in the world.

I ask myself what I should do.  Should I tell him that she is just using him? Or should I let him find out on his own?  Good gosh, this is a complicated decision.  If I tell him, she’ll just lie about everything and make me look like a fool.  She’s not well.  If she thinks she can play with both of their heads and get away with it, she’s got another think coming at her. 

There’s nothing that I want more at this point than revenge.  Sweet, sweet revenge.  I want her to suffer; to feel the pain that she will cause my best friend when she finalizes her decision.  To be broken to the point that she will no longer feel the need to hurt anybody the same way. 

Days go by and I realize that revenge is not going to solve anything. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind.”  I finally sit back and realize that this is not my battle.  This is for them to figure out and work through.  The only thing I can do is pray.  Pray that their eyes would be opened and that they will finally be able to escape from this love nightmare.  Escape and receive real love.  The love that they each deserve.

 

They Tell Me to Listen to My Heart

They tell me to listen to my heart,

to let my thoughts and ideas wander around in my head

just wander until it forms into perfection,

and somehow in some way find its way onto the paper.

 

But it’s just not that easy…

I sit there, dumbfounded

With my head as hollow as a log

My mind blank, blank like a piece of paper

 

I feel like a caterpillar, crawling through life

As it lives its life…consuming food and water,

So must I, consume the ideas and knowledge

That it will take to complete my masterpiece

 

Day after day, I become more content

More satisfied with my progress

So very close to my goal, never giving up

But pushing to be the best I can possibly be

 

Like a caterpillar making its cocoon,

I too, gather everything together

Mold it into perfection

So as a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon as a beautiful butterfly,

So will I, I will emerge from my secret hiding

with my beautiful and wondrous writing piece.

 

Writing Philosophy

I, as a writer must be able to connect with my audience.  I write to entertain my readers.  I write what interests me and inspires me to be a better writer.

 

Me!

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