How to Survive this Class

by Ka’u

First sign up for an art or hula class but when you get your schedule see that you’ve been put in Creative Writing instead. On the first day of class break your laptop and turn it in to the office. Handwrite all assignments including your novel. Forget your novel at home the next class. Start all over.
Fall asleep during the 25 minutes of focused writing time but make sure to wake up five minutes before times up to speed write at least one paragraph. Or you could use the 25 minutes to finish up the homework you forgot about to have ready to share. Use the warm-up time to wake up from your nap if you took one or to learn how to play new games that you’ll probably never play again. And when it comes time for partner sharing pick a partner who you think is a better writer then you so you won’t have to read your piece to the class. After ever reader finishes say “Whoosh” and go “1, 2, 3 whoosh” while clapping 3 times then making a hand gesture like a wave rolling on the sand.
When the pieces have all been read and it’s time to vote for the best piece for the “I Like That” page make sure one person always forgets to vote. When Ms. Haina asks who didn’t vote insist that everyone voted but do a revote anyway. When she gives you time to email your piece for the blog first check your email, update your twitter and post a new facebook status then email your piece quickly.
At 2:25 start packing up loudly while Ms. Haina says “Is it time already?” Put up your chair and stand in a big group by the door and have a conversation about whatever happens to come up that day. Make sure the conversation is loud enough to imply school is almost over and we’re excited. Stare at the freedom giving clock until 2:29. Then who ever is closest to the door should grab the door handle and do a twist-the-knob-but-don’t-actually-open-the-door move and glance at Ms. Haina while she waits till the second hand reaches the 12 to release the class. When she does exit the class hastily and forget about any and all assignments till the lunch before class. Repeat until semester is over.

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