by Lily
Ah yes, my favorite time of day. It’s 3:00 p.m., which means, IT’S BINGO TIME! Bingo day has got to be my favorite day of the week. Being in the bingo parlor filled with other old people like me is thrilling. The wide open room with rows and rows of bingo tables makes me smile. Also, I love the applesauce that they serve. By God, there’s always the best applesauce at bingo.
Although I love going to bingo, it’s 15 blocks away from my senior living facility, so I have to catch the ratty old bus. I hate the bus because it’s always filled with a bunch of loons, but it’s the only way I can make it to bingo on time. On the bus, it always smells like pee, and people always try to talk to me. Whenever someone approaches me, I pretend to be deaf because, well let’s face it, I do look old enough to be deaf. I was staring out the window thinking about how well I was going to do at bingo today, when a crazy old bat sat down next to me.
“Just pretend to be deaf,” I told myself. The young lady who sat down next to me looked about 30 years old, and she was obviously on some kind of drugs. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore old ragged shoes with holes at the toes.
“You got any plums?” asked the lady. I didn’t respond, hoping that she would quit bothering me. Then she stated again, “You got any plums?” She had probably asked this about 10 times before I finally answered, “No.”
The lady got up from her seat, and moved to the front of the bus. Finally she’d left me alone. See, this is why I don’t like the bus. “Does anyone have plums?!” the lady yelled. She ran up and down the middle aisle asking everyone if they had plums. Why plums? Drugs, I tell you, they can do wonders. A couple of people got up to give her something, but I didn’t know what they were giving her. “Anybody else?” said the lady.
She started to get on my nerves, so I yelled, “Sit down and leave everyone alone ya crazy loon, nobody’s got any gosh darn plums!” The lady sat down and didn’t move. I went about my usual business of couponing when someone tapped my shoulder. “What now?” I thought. I turned to look back and see what they wanted.
Then, the stranger handed me a note on a piece of scratch paper that said, “She didn’t say plums, she said gum.” Oh! I guess she wasn’t crazy after all. That’s when I realized, I was the new crazy loon on the bus.
