Performance Task
In 1820, Hawaiʻi was considered one of the most literate nations in the world. Shortly after, the first Nupepa (or Hawaiian language newspaper) was printed in 1834. After investigating nupepa articles with your kumu you need to chose a word or phrase from the nupepa that you think would best represent papa ʻelima as a whole and write a persuasive essay on why it’s the best choice. Persuade your readers as to why it is important for us to perpetuate this specific word or phrase from our kūpuna. Your kumu and classmates will vote on the most well written and meaningful essay to have your word or phrase printed on our class tshirts for our huakaʻi i Oʻahu.
Things to think about:
Why is this specific word or phrase meaningful to us as kānaka today and why it was important to our kūpuna?
How does ʻike kūpuna applies to us, as kānaka, today?
“When a Kūpuna dies, a library of knowledge dies” (Kaiāulu; Mehana Vaughan). Why are the words of our kūpuna so necessary for us today?
To do:
Formulate a 5 paragraph persuasive essay on a chosen word or phrase that you think best represents papa ʻelima as a whole.
Connect and apply any ʻike Hawaiʻi to create an argument for why that word or phrase should be printed on our class tshirts.
Annotation
Example of Traits: Ideas & Content, Organization, Audience & Purpose, & Conventions of Mechanics
Ideas and Content:
Clarity
This piece scores at the proficiency level for Ideas and Content because the writer sustains a general main idea that If you display humbleness you are more successful in life than others while advocating that a specific ‘Olelo No’eau: Ku ‘ia kahele aka na’au ha’aha’a be the text of their class shirt. Although the writer’s premise is a specific connection between the value of ha’aha’a and success, because of examples and statements that are more general in nature (It is also better to help others instead of put them down…You put others first and you live happier life. People who are careful and don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings always find their happier place in life. They find the good spirit where they look at the bright side of everything), the main idea seems to fade rather than become illuminated.
In addition to using information from an article, stories and personal experiences are applied accurately to effectively communicate understanding as seen in the following examples: In Na Mele we were nervous and some kids were really mean and said, ‘were going to win.’ Well, we stayed quiet and let them think what they want to because we know that is wrong. In the end we won and we never bragged about it and congratulated other schools. and At our school we have many competitions and everybody treat each other equal. If you do boast and brag in their face they will feel like one. However,the majority of idea development comes from the writer’s own opinions based on personal beliefs and understandings: If you put someone down they may have a scar for life…Be nice. Treat others the way you want to be treated.); You earn your success and you don’t just receive it…We always know that gifts come from the heart and the heart is what matters. Although the writer may be showing insight (which can be used to consider a piece for an Advanced score), in this case, an overabundance softens the main idea.
Movement to Advanced in the trait of Ideas and Content:
Synthesis (Applies information accurately with new insight): although the writer used a great deal of insight, in this case, a stronger focus on information (for example: say more about ha’aha’a as a ‘high ranking value’) or a story (what’s one school competition that would highlight this value?) would strengthen this piece.
Organization:
This piece scores at the proficiency level for Organization because the writerspeaks directly to peers; including them into thoughts, experiences, and beliefs with the consistent use of words such as: we, us, our, you. The task requires a “ 5 paragraph persuasive essay” and that structure is clearly seen with an introductory paragraph, 3 paragraphs that develop the initial premise and a final paragraph that restates the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph begins with a clear idea and ends with a final sentence that either connects to or sums up the paragraph. Here is an example of a paragraph with a final connecting statement : first sentence: The first reason is ha’aha’a is a high ranking value we should show it every day…last sentence:The world would be great because there would be no losers and everyone will feel like a winner. Here is an example of a final sentence that summed up a paragraph: first sentence: “The next reason is that if you help others and encourage them when you beat them they would not feel like a loser….last sentence: “Everybody can’t be a winner but you can make them feel like one.” The majority of final sentences in each paragraph showed some connection to the first sentence. The writer is developing an understanding of the paragraph structure.
The writer used transitional words/phrases such as (The first reason, The next reason, and Lastly) to introduce and move from one reason to another. Each paragraph revealed some aspect of success through the practice of ha’aha’a. The final paragraph would have been stronger had the writer ended after the first few sentences (We always follow the ‘Olelo no’eau ku ‘ia kahele aka na’au ha’aha’a because it is our class and if we have my ‘Olelo no’eau on the shirt then I feel this will represent us as a significant generation. We should pick this ‘Olelo no’eau to be on the huaka’i to O’ahu shirt because it represents our class and is a very significant value that we show every day.) which justified the original stance. The addition of other values (I believe that our class is honest, ha’aha’a, responsible, and capable of taking over challenges independent and together. If we fail we persevere and will never put someone down through bragging. We always perpetuate all our values. Papa 2026 always remembers that we are what we do so we always chose the right choice.) softened the impact of the ending.
Movement to Advanced in the trait of Organization:
Although the writer shows an understanding of the essay structure a more flexible approach to the transitional phrases and words, as well as closing paragraphs with attempts to sum up the paragraph would move this piece into the advanced column. Closing the piece with a clear return to the original proposal would have left a strong impact.
Audience and Purpose:
The writer maintained a clear voice, one of belonging to a group of peers (I feel that the shirt “is” our class and this phrase “is” our class.)(We as an ‘Ohana alwaays find the success that we make even if it is just a “hi.”) and a clear solution to a task (We should pick this ‘Olelo No’eau to be on the huaka’i to O’ahu shirt because it represents our class and is a very significant value that we show every day.) This voice is maintained throughout the piece and is somewhat like a speaker rallying his/her buddies to take action in a “we can do it” and “here’s why” attitude.
Movement to Advanced:
The friendly tone makes for an engaging piece and perhaps if the writer took it a step further by creating a conversation between friends or related the concepts through the voices of a few friends might be an original and creative way to support the purpose.
Process:
No evidence of the process was provided.
Conventions:
This piece scores at the proficiency level for Conventions the accurate use of mechanics kept the message at the forefront. The use of punctuation helped to sustain the clarity of this piece. The most noticeable issue with conventions was within some of the sentences that caused the reader to reread and lose some of the flow. Here are some examples: the world would be great because there would be no losers and everyone will feel like winner…You put others first and you live happier life…
Movement to Advanced:
In a very few instances the writer used punctuation to enhance communication of the spirit of the message: Be nice. Treat others the way you want to be treated. A few more uses of punctuation in surprising ways would help to strengthen this piece to Advanced.