PERFORMANCE TASK
“Turning Point” Personal Narrative — Showing & Telling
Compose a personal narrative (1.5 pages minimum, double-spaced, typed) about a time in your life when you came to a turning point. Where you could follow one path or the other, but you couldn’t travel both. Choosing one meant foregoing the other. For your incident, you are to focus on a difficult decision that you had to make, not a turning point that is the result of a decision that was made for you. The decision-making ordeal is the focus.
ANNOTATION
Ideas and Content (Clarity)
Writing focuses on conflict with ADD and student’s efforts to overcome it. The main idea is referenced and supported throughout the piece with descriptions of specific academic experiences that brought student’s condition to light. Experiences include meeting with counselor, diagnosis, and an adjustment to a new school. While consistent attempts are made to develop to illustrate the ideas with the monster metaphor, the writer’s use of the figure of speech sometimes appeared forced and lacked necessary development. Further explanation of how the “stress and pressure built up like the stress monster haunts and lurks around me” could have strengthened ideas.
Ideas and Content (Synthesis)
Synthesis is reflected in the metaphor of the monster and the internal conflict of having ADD. The use of metaphor effectively communicates an understanding by connecting a commonly understood concept of a monster with a personal experience. With more clarity in explanation of connections and sole focus on one metaphor (“rings” mentioned in the second paragraph and dungeness crab comparison in second to the last paragraph), student would have advanced beyond the proficient level in this area. Note: This information is clear upon reviewing the performance task prompt in which teacher refers to the story “The Bass, the River, and Sheila Mant”.
Organization
Chronological order of events demonstrated through the piece with use of actions, dates and transitions provides an organizational structure that allows the writer’s ideas to flow. Writer identifies a starting point in fifth grade and moves forward to the ninth grade. While the pattern is effective, it does not demonstrate unique choices that show strategic use beyond ordinary patterns.
Audience and Purpose
Writer builds a strong voice with use of personal experiences and weaves imagery of “monster” throughout the piece ending with the statement “I learn to manage my internal conflict, that monster that resides within me.” Use of metaphor throughout the piece demonstrates an advanced use of voice and tone as it makes the topic relatable to almost any reader
Conventions
Writer avoids distracting conventional errors and creates a rhythm and flow of sentence fluency. While use of mechanics is fairly accurate throughout the piece, it does not enhance the piece in any unique way.