PERFORMANCE TASK
Bishop Museum is highlighting people of Hawaiʻi who exemplify the spirit of Aloha. Your task is to choose one of their top 9 candidates that could be in the exhibit. Using your research to support your decision, you will need to submit a proposal to the Bishop Museum.
Your proposal will be composed of two parts. The first will be a persuasive letter or speech to convince Bishop Museum to select your candidate for the exhibit, which should include evidence and rationale that supports your opinion. The second part will be a visual display representing your candidate, a specific character trait, or moment of their life.
ANNOTATION
Ideas and Content:
CLARITY – The main idea is generally clear throughout and needs specific details.
The writer clearly makes a case for Queen Emma from the beginning and carries it throughout her letter. “I strongly believe she is the greatest Hawaiian queen to ever live.” “You can be like Queen Emma and show love and kindness to everyone around you.”
SYNTHESIS – Applies information accurately to communicate a new understanding.
The writer applies information accurately as he/she shares facts that support the belief that she is the greatest Hawaiian queen to ever live. “For example, Queen Emma built a hospital for everyone.” “Queen Emma created a school called St. Andrews Priory school for girls.” “Queen Emma carried on our language by having someone to teach Hawaiian at St. Andrews.”
Organization:
STRUCTURE – Uses a communication method & structure that is generally clear and able to be followed.
COHERENT – Demonstrates coherence: makes connections from one idea to the next.
In addition to her introduction and conclusion, the body of the letter includes three paragraphs that focus on these areas of the Queen’s life- Queen’s Hospital, St. Andrew’s Priory and ‘ōlelo Hawaiʻi
Paragraphs are connected with the use of transitional words.
“First of all, Queen Emma wanted her people to live long and prosper.”
“Secondly, she wanted Hawaiian kids to be completely educated.”
“Finally, she wanted the Hawaiian culture to live long.”
“Therefore, Queen Emma loved her people sooooooo much.”
Audience and Purpose:
Voice demonstrates a strong awareness of audience and purpose and is sustained throughout
Writer uses tone and voice to engage/connect with audience and to persuade them as well.
“You know even I benefit from Queen Emma’s actions. I was born at Queen’s Medical Center. Basically, she made me have a place to live. And I wouldn’t be here without her..” Draws 3 hearts
Process:
The process used fully addresses the appropriate communication method.
Writing indicates that research was done on Queen Emma and instruction was given on letter writing and use of transitional language. But, evidence of process not included with the task.
Conventions of Mechanics:
Uses mechanics accurately throughout so the message is at the forefront.
Any spelling or grammatical errors did not detract from message “She esspecaily wanted Hawaiians to stay healthy so, she gave Hawaiians specail treatment.”
Advanced
Ideas and Content:
To be advanced writer would need to state from the beginning the purpose of the task-to have Queen Emma be in the Bishop Museum and carry that idea throughout the piece. It is only mentioned in the conclusion. “Queen Emma deserves that spot in the Bishop Museum.” The writer would also need to apply information with new insight to be advanced. For example, new insight could include commentary around the idea that the things that were issues for the kānaka during Queen Emma’s time are still issues for kānaka today- healthcare, education, ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi.
Organization:
To be an advanced writer would need to independently use a communication method appropriately to address audience. The task did not lend itself to this. All students wrote a letter. Allowing for choice in the method would have given students an opportunity to show independence. Other methods would have been appropriate to use (i.e. slide show, iMovie trailer, etc.)
Audience and Purpose:
To be an advanced, awareness of audience would need to be presented in an original and creative way to support the purpose. The letter was proficient but not original or creative. Again, the task would need to allow for that.
Conventions:
Student was proficient in use of mechanics but did not manipulate mechanics in a purposeful way that enhanced communication. One consideration is that this a third grade piece and while at that grade they are proficient in mechanic basics, purposeful manipulation of conventions as a writing tool may not happen until a little later in elementary school. Perhaps 5th grade?